Songs for Lexi

Songs for Lexi

"I can't help it"

So the pharmacy incorrectly filled out the Diflucan (can u believe it?) and as a result she had a much lower dose than the doctor intended.  Even with that lower dose, she did seem to be getting rid of excess yeast as was evident from the repeated yeast dumps in her foot bath.  From Father's Day June 19 - August 3rd she had the light dose -- then we started with correct dosage August 4 to now.   


Lately she has seemed more aware of her surroundings...  more connected. Making more observations without prompting...  These are the changes we have noticed: 


1 - 8/9 we noticed a marked decrease in scripting on the way to the beach - she was almost silent in the car!  I found myself looking in the back seat to see if she had fallen asleep!  At dinner at a restaurant, she was her sweet version and there was very little scripting.  However, it did return the next day :(


2 - on 8/23 - after about 5 years of once monthly chiropractic adjustments which help her tremendously, when he did his usual pre-adjustment prep to see what was "out" - he noticed her neck was loose, not tight!  There was hardly any adjustment needed!  That has never happened in all these years...  


3 - today this morning 8/24 - she woke up early, seemed irritable, not wanting to eat a bowl of peaches, seemed mad there was no time for gf pancakes, and when i asked her to go upstairs and get her bathing suit on, and asked again, she kept flopping around on the couch not getting ready so I finally walked over to her and asked her, "what is the deal - why don't you go upstairs and get your suit we're gonna be late for camp" she ANSWERED ME in a small voice, "I can't help it"......................................................  She has NEVER said anything like this before!  And then, after being at camp 10 minutes or so she threw up, so I was called and I turned around to go got her... So she couldn't tell me she felt SICK, but she did tell me SOMETHING about how she felt inside - gave me some kind of clue of her inner workings and world ------


This is one of those days that mark a glimmer of hope that she is not what she looks like or sounds like - that there is a whole PERSON inside waiting to be reached.........rescued..........helped...........  I read the book "Carly's Voice"  and Carly's journey impacted the way I think of Alexi -- Carly finally "told" her family that autism feels like ants crawling on your skin...  and she is completely frustrated that she can't communicate using her voice --- but Carly found a way to let her friends and family know the person she is behind the grunts, the stims, the noises....  So Alexi is right - she CAN'T help what she is doing, how she is acting....  underneath there just might be another version of her - if we can clear all these toxins for her and help revitalize her gut -- help her to finally just be............. to relax............. stop stimming all day................ stop watching the same video clips endlessly...................   oh should i dare to dream???



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